Ergophobia??

So according to the dictionary, Ergophobia is the fear of work; and I think I have it LOL. I've been thinking about my future in the working world again, and my brain sounds like a loud room full of thousands of people talking all at once. It has been over a year since the last time I had a "real job", and that one only lasted about 2 months (it was the bank, I did not like it, and I was pregnant and nauseous). Before that I was at a property for about 3 months (I feared for my life, the property was ghetto-rific, and the police were being called all the time for something). Then, before that I was a bartender for about 3 months (I got tired of wearing hoochie-fied outfits, and getting checked out by a bunch of perverts...plus Mike didn't like me having to do either LOL). During the time I worked as a bartender, I was also doing what I did before starting there, and during my long term positions prior to that; Modeling, acting, and dancing. Some wouldn't consider those real jobs, so I wont count them under the "real job" category; but I did make my living and pay all my bills just doing those 3 alone. Not to mention, I really enjoyed it at the time. So back to the real jobs. Before the bar, I was in property management. I did that from the time I was 18 till I was about 22 (not including that 3 month position later on).
I enjoyed it at first, and the money was beyond great...but towards the end of my long term stretch, I had gone through some crazy times, break-up, post breakup depression, and living alone in an empty apartment. Around the time I dropped out of college, and then the line of jobs mentioned already began.

So fast forward to today. I am 25 year old stay at home mom that has to mark the "some college" box wherever it applies, trying to figure myself out again in terms of work/career. Why would I have to though, if I'm going to be a stay home mom? Well for a few reasons.
1) Having nothing to do other than the house (not including my little one) causes me to go through these sporadic emotional roller-coaster moments of a very light (not serious though) depression. It comes and goes, mainly when I think about how frugal we have to be (frugality is very good, and I'd probably be frugal anyway..but there's a difference to me between being frugal because its your own choice, and being forced into frugality if you ever want to move forward with your life).
2)I need to have SOME kind of degree, period. I was raised hearing "No matter what you do, get some kind of college education. Doesn't matter what you get it in, as long as you get something to fall back on". It's engraved, and because of that I occasionally think about how I've failed my parents. I know, I know; I should be getting it for myself and not anyone else...but it still bothers me that I haven't achieved that, yet.
3)Although Mike may not need my help, I need to feel like I'm contributing SOMETHING; even if it was just to our monthly gas expenses. Especially right now that we are currently scraping every penny to pay off past debts in time to move to Long Beach by our goal of this December. I want to help reach that goal.

And I know I can, but for some reason the thought of work scares me. Looking through the different degrees offered makes me feel like I'm a freshmen in HS again; trying to figure out what it is I want to invest the next 4 years in (well, it wouldn't be 4 years. I have 2 years worth of credits already..I'd just need to take the degree courses for whatever degree I choose for my associates, and then whatever upper division coursework at the Univ. level). I'm pretty much a ball of confusion right now.

I've decided to start working as an Independent Consultant with Arbonne International, most likely starting this July. I will also be working with different property management companies, testing their employees as a secret shop. The Secret shop job is more of an extra cash job, and I choose which assignments I want to take; I like it because of that, and because I finally get to be on the other side of that table. I always did well when I got shopped, so I already know what I will need to look for when shopping employees. As for Arbonne, the challenge and mystery of not knowing what is to come kind of excites me, but it also scares me a bit. What if I don't succeed? What if I can't book parties, or gain team members under my belt. Lots of unknown questions there, but I look forward to seeing how I do. I'm going to have to work hard at first. This is one area the Ergophobia comes in. I sometimes underestimate myself..okay, I always underestimate myself. I've lost a lot of the self-confidence I used to have when it came to my ability to perform in the workplace, and that is why I'm afraid to work. I'm afraid to add another "failure" notch to my belt. It's "stinkin' thinkin'" I have going on, and somehow I need to overcome.

That stinkin' thinkin' also carries over into my college education decisions. I'm afraid that I am going to choose the wrong career choice, only to drop out again after realizing that the courses I am taking are not to my liking. I am still trying to figure it out, and I would hope to have made a decision before this fall. If I do, I may just be going back to school, again....for the thousandths time!

My Friday Night Walk Of Shame

Yesterday was day 5 of my diet, and it started off well. By my lunchtime meal, I was already starting to have "fatty food withdrawal". That is no fun when you are on a diet like this, seriously! You start thinking of all the things you love to eat that you know you shouldn't be thinking of at that moment. It didn't help smelling the Enchiladas that my father-in law was eating, or the hot dogs I made Mike for lunch (he quit the diet after day 1 and said he'll do it on the next cycle...quitter!..haha Just Kidding! He doesn't even need it!); all while I was eating eggs and peanuts, ugh! That was at 1:30 pm, which meant my next "feast" should have been between 4 and 6 pm. I started getting hungry at around 3, but I wanted to wait till Mike got home to eat my "dinner" with him. He got home early, but that was because we had to get ready for my little sister's play. I didn't realize it until after we left at close to 6 that I hadn't eaten yet, and I was getting pretty hungry.
So we go to the play, and it ended at around 8ish. I don't like eating this late ( and it isn't really recommended to eat so late), but I was counting down till we got home to eat my eggs and sausage for meal 4. Oh wait! First we had to go to Wal-mart to get some things for the baby. So we made a stop at Wal-mart, and I just felt myself getting weaker and weaker by the aisle (not physically..I'm talking about with my discipline). By the time we got to the check-out aisle, I noticed the brand new "Peanut butter snickers squared" calling out to me, and right at that moment I decided "I think I'll just cut this cycle short..just this time!". Yes, I know. What a weak, little soul I was at that moment. I couldn't help it! I was soo hungry! I told Mike, and we got the Snickers! My father-in law, Dave, told me that after being on this diet for a bit, junk food and sweets would not be the same. I must say, he was so wrong! That Snickers was just as heavenly as ever, probably more because of the peanut buttery addition!
I kept having to justify my actions in my head, and out loud to Mike. One of the first things he said was "So all I have to do is starve you a little bit for you to break, huh". LOL. Yes, that was the culprit for my mini failure. You can't expect a starving belly to stand strong against the vicious temptations of the Wal-mart candy aisle at check-out, right?
If that were not enough, we proceeded to the local In-N-Out. Beautiful. And you know what? I did not regret it at all! I need a break! Its hard when you have 50 lbs to lose. That's a long time to not be able to eat your favorite foods, except for the 3 days of cheat days in between each cycle (but even then you don't really get at a chance at everything..at least I didn't!)
So long story short, I decided I needed a short break. Not from losing weight, but from this specific diet. I get bored with things very easily, and this was no different. Plus, I'm down 1 dress says from when I started, and people have commented on the obvious difference! So I know, it's been worth it, but it is now time to start something different until I can eat sausage and cottage cheese again without practically gagging (yes, that's how much I've been eating with this diet).
So what's the next step? Insanity! I have to put those discs to use! This time I am going to attempt at following their nutrition plan while doing so, for maximum results! I've seen so many people on the Insanity Facebook page show the differences they achieved in the 60-day cycle, and I know I can do it! My weight-loss so far will be my motivation; and if I plan on doing some modeling again come this fall, I need to be ready! Plus, a High School friend of mine is getting married in September, and I don't want to buy a large dress. More motivation!
I do plan on doing the diet again, but I needed a break. 3 cycles consecutively is my limit. I'm going to give something else a chance to contribute to my transformation. Therefore, I will be blogging about my journey through Insanity for the next 60-days (starting Monday.......evening.....it's Memorial day!).

Oh, by the way. I guess I can give more details about the diet I've been doing. I shouldn't be so selfish and keep this great secret to myself. You can go on their website at

www.fatloss4idiots.com

I recommend it to everyone. Just remember to bring your willpower game if you have to do it to lose A LOT of weight like I do! I did the walk of shame last night as I walked into my house, but my belly sure was thanking me for it!

Maya Angelou

Very wise words have come from this lady, and since I love quotes and poetry, I thought I'd post some quotes from her!

Maya Angelou Quotes

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." 

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." 

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." 

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song."

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." 

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. 

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." 

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." 

"Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it." 

"Courage: the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently." 

"Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it!" 

"Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me." 

"If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?" 

"Be a rainbow in someone else's cloud." 

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her." 

 (my favorite!)

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." 

"There's a world of difference between truth and facts. Facts can obscure truth." 

"You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody." 

"Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continuing needs, is good for him." 

"When you know better you do better."

"When you learn, teach, when you get, give."

"You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!"

"We need much less than we think we need."

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean."

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. "

"The desire to reach for the stars is ambitious. The desire to reach hearts is wise."

"Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet"

"Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman"

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope"

"Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between."

"Most people don't grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging."

"Nothing can dim the light which shines from within."

"Be present in all things and thankful for all things"

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option."

"When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say. "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow." 

"The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story..."  

"I want to thank you, Lord, for life and all that's in it.
Thank you for the day and for the hour, and the minute. " 

"a friend may be waiting behind a stranger's face."  

"All great achievements require time." 

What Every Young Girl Should Know: A Message To My Little Sister

My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee; So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding; Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding. He layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: he is a buckler to them that walk uprightly. He keepeth the paths of judgment, and preserveth the way of his saints. Then shalt thou understand righteousness, and judgment, and equity; yea, every good path.- Proverbs 2:1-9

Despite being a young 25 year old, I would have to say that I've learned my share of life lessons. They say experience is the greatest teacher; but what if it isn't the greatest way to learn? Yes, experience gives you a hands-on education with certain things in life. Yet, sometimes it is better to learn from someone else's experience and save yourself the hurt, anger, shame, etc.

Looking back now,  I wish I would have paid more attention to King Solomon's words of wisdom to his son. I don't think I really turned to anyone for words of wisdom. Now although I appreciate all the "words of wisdom" my parents shared -no matter how unorthodox-with me growing up, I don't think I've had someone be the person I am trying to be with my little sister. The person whom I felt who truly understands what I was going through as a teenager, and who helped me avoid certain situations.

I have tried to be that person for both of my sisters. Jessica, who is 20, chose not to follow my advice. It hurts me now to see how my younger sister is struggling (but that is a story for another day). Now I am trying to show my youngest sister, 14 year old Brittany, that there is more to life than what she is seeing right now.

Now I must say, I was a pretty good girl in high school (I didn't say perfect!.). I got good grades; I had my small circle of friends and didn't try to be accepted by other peers at my school. I made my share of bad decisions, but they weren't very serious ones. Up until my senior year of high school, I was going to church and trying to live a good christian lifestyle. But after high school, things changed. I started getting wild and rebellious, and eventually that led to more mistakes.

So, I've made a list of things I feel my sister should know (and engrave into her mind! LOL). Some of these things, I've already told her; but it doesn't hurt to hear it again. If anyone reading this have more things to add, please do so!

Britt,
As you continue growing, and encountering new people, places, and things, try not to ever forget these important things:

1- You will have moments where you feel unloved and uncared for. Remind yourself ALL the time how much God loves you, and how much your family loves you. If you do that ALL the time, those moments won't come as often.
2- You are beautiful, intelligent, and have a caring heart. Don't let anyone ever change that. 
3- You will see (and I know you already see it around you) there are girls who will do whatever they can to get attention. They may seem "popular" now, but there will come a day (if it hasn't already) when they will wish they had never done the things they've done.  
4- Don't put yourself in the position to have regrets. Always think "Is this something I MAY regret later?"- If there's the slightest possibility that you may, it's not worth the risk.
5- Don't fall for "I love you's". Any guy can say that..doesn't mean they mean it. Let them prove it to you by just being there and by waiting for you. If you aren't worth waiting for, then they don't truly love you, and they are not worth your time.
6-Think before you act. That'll always help you.
7-Don't ever feel like you have to "prove" your love physically to anyone on this earth. 
8-Don't worry about disappointing people so much. Make sure you are doing the right thing, even if someone doesn't like it. 
9-There's always going to be someone (most likely another girl) that doesn't like you, for whatever reason. People like that don't matter. Take their attitudes toward you like a grain of salt. But still be kind. Don't stoop to their level.
10-Don't get offended very easily. When you realize who's opinion truly matters (God), you won't care so much about what people think.
11-Don't give in to peer pressure. You will always be held responsible for your own actions, regardless of who influenced you.
12-Don't drink. It isn't worth it. (But you already know that)..Don't smoke either..both are hurting your body.. and God gave you that body and expects you to take care of it!
13-Don't waste your time in bars, clubs, and parties. All it has to offer is drunken fools, girls looking too hard for attention, and guy's who probably will only try to get in your pants. (Yes there are exceptions but those exceptions are like needles in a haystack)
14-Don't ignore God's word. You can save yourself so much grief and heartache but just reading it,learn where God stands on different topics, and apply it to your life.
15- Don't bury your feelings inside, they will eventually come out, and it probably won't be pretty.
16-Learn to forgive, not doing so will only start cultivating bitterness inside (you've seen this first hand)
17-Wait for the man God has for you..I know I sound like a broken record...but once you find him you will understand why I repeated this. You will be so proud to give him the gift of your purity..I wish I could have given Mike that gift, but I can't and there's no starting over.

Remember the story I found online that I sent to you:

"A young teenage girl was being ridiculed by two other girls for maintaining her purity. Her reply: 'I can be what you are any day, but if you live a hundred years, you could never be what I am' " 




18-If a guy will only try to talk to you when no one is around, he probably doesn't have much to say that is worth hearing, and his intentions are probably not sincere (I think you know why I'm saying this) :)
19-Be happy with who you are. As women we always focus on our flaws and compare ourselves to others. While you are wishing you looked like someone else, there's someone wishing they looked like you. God made you beautiful just the way you are. You are unique, and you look like YOU. Don't try to look like everyone else.
20-Natural is always better!
21-If God gives you long life, be thankful and welcome it with open arms..age gracefully..don't be a 40something trying to act like she's still in high school. That's not cute...ever...
22-Set goals, and don't let anything get in the way that is not worth it. But be flexible too. If for some reason those goals don't work out, don't be too hard on yourself. Just make new ones.
23-Don't cuss. A lady looks and sounds so terrible when trash comes out of her mouth, and men do pay attention to that. Be smart, learn how to communicate your feelings without having to resort to pea-brained language.
24-Don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself, or disrespect you, man or woman.
25-There's a saying that goes " A women's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her" (Maya Angelou). This is SO true. 
26-If a man doesn't truly love God, he will never be able to love you the way you deserve to be loved (nor will he respect you the way God commands him to as a husband).
27-Have a heart for other people. When you focus more on others, and less on yourself, you'll have less to be unhappy about.
28-Choose your friends wisely. Plain and simple. "Tell me who you are with and I'll tell you who you are"...people will judge you wrongfully, and eventually you will start acting like your friends.
29-Go to church. Your spirit needs it, plain and simple...and you might find some great godly friends along the way.
30-Make God's will your own. As long as you are doing things that please God, and being obedient, he will bless you very very much.
31-Always pray. No matter where you are, what you are doing. God knows you inside and out, but he wants you to be the one to come to Him.
32-Don't live your life worrying (I'm still working on this one). As long as you are doing what is right in His eyes, he will never let anything happen to you that is not according to His plan.
33-Don't value yourself or others based off of what you have. Material things will go ask quickly as they come. If you let yourself feel that you are only worth as much as you have, you will end up chasing after a happiness you will never truly have. (You've seen this in others). 
34-Also along those lines,... "Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised"-Proverbs 31:30. Don't be shallow..its great to look good, but remember.. looks eventually fade..focus more on whats inside, and let THAT shine..personality will shine a lot longer than looks ever will.
and last one for now...
35-Be a godly example. There may be someone who is looking up to you and trying to do what you do. Your example can affect how another person thinks, acts, feels. I'm sorry I haven't always been the greatest example in how to act and live. I want you to take my past as an example of what NOT to do..but I hope that maybe now, I could be that great example you need. Mike feels the same way about his past. He wants you to see his example and learn from it..I want you to see his example now, and if you can find a God-loving man like him, you will be so happy. I promise you.


I love you so much, and I'm proud of you so far. I know you are not perfect, and you will probably make some mistakes....but just remember some mistakes are not worth making...they will follow you. I know you are a smart girl, though. I am very proud to call you my little sister.

Work At Home Momma?

 

VS

I've really been thinking about getting into some kind of work at home business. My mom did (and still does) Mary Kay for years, and she's done pretty well with it. I personally wouldn't do Mary Kay, but only because I'm not sure I'd be good at making up OTHER people's faces lol.

So I've been looking into the different options. Avon is another Mary Kay, Party Lite and Scentsy seem kind of out of my interest; I don't want to sell something I don't care for (although I did that at a few properties I worked at in my PMmgt days lol).

I would really like to help Mike with a little bit of income (I feel pretty worthless not working, but I wouldn't want to leave Andrew with babysitters either).

I think being an Independent Consultant would be fun!

I am still doing side work in the property management industry..
But I'd like to do something else, something that doesn't include AS MUCH driving as my property management job requires.
Which brings me to my 2 top choices.
1) Arbonne International- an old friend of mine was a consultant, and introduced me to it. She did very well and I think at one point she was about to win the Mercedes they give at a certain level. I've purchased products from her that I loved, and think it'd be worth it
2) Lia Sophia Jewelry- I just heard about this today and I loved the website. I was already trying to pick out what jewelry I'd like to buy! I can see this doing well also because ...women love jewelry!

My only concern is the clientele based..I'd probably have to do a lot of networking to build up my clientele, which should be too difficult for me..I'm a natural networker lol. I've learned from others experiences that you can't really depend on friends/family to be big clients. So that would not be my main goal.

Both seem very interesting, but I'm not sure which one I would choose. I'm looking for opinions on which other people would choose. Who knows, maybe I'll do both haha.

A Lesson In Contentment

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.- Phillipians 4:11

This is something that I am still currently learning, and working on. It is something that I struggle with every single day, and also something that has caused me unnecessary heartache. The bible tells us that no matter what state we are in, we should be content. Being content means being satisfied. I should be satisfied with my life, no matter what circumstance. As of today, I am still working on it.

This past weekend, I attended a 2-day women's conference in Newport Beach. I must say, I was very much convicted. The Lord spoke, and I know he was speaking to me. Now this isn't the first time that I hear messages such as this and feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit. I'm a work in progress, and with each time, I am slowly being molded into what I know God wants me to be; a godly women whose focus is not what she has in this world, but what she has in her heart and layed up in heaven. The messages this weekend were amazing. One of the continuous themes of each session was something I struggle with. Finding joy in the Lord, and not in what you have (or don't have), is the main way to a life that does not include bitterness, resentment, etc.

One thing Penny Gibbs, the conference's main speaker, mentioned was how many times we like to make it seem like we have it all together. We, as women, work so hard to make it seem like we have the perfect life, and that we "have it together" to others; when in reality we don't have it together, and we don't have the perfect life. I guess I had never really realized that I, too, am guilty of this. But I am. Not because I want to be fake (can't stand fake people ..but that's a story for another day), but because ...well there are a couple of reasons:
1) I just don't like people know my problems. I tend to be very vocal with certain things (some of which I should just keep my mouth shut), and hold in other things (some of which I should actually be letting out). I've never been the type to involve people in my issues, and I also try to figure things out for myself (something I also need to work on, "let go and let God").
2) I feel like I'm being watched sometimes by those who don't like me...LOL...I sound like a crazy woman but I'm not. I've had a lot of practice in learning to figure people out. Maybe because at one point in life, I cared more about what other people thought about me. I've come to realize that there are people around me who are not "real" with their feelings/opinions toward me. Their kindness is not sincere. It is sometimes very frustrating and pretty annoying. I don't like people competing with me, especially for foolish reasons. "You be happy for me and I'll be happy for you" is how I think. Point is, there's always someone who rejoices in someone else's heartache and struggles..and I'd rather not give those people that joy.

I was raised in a home where my sisters and I got whatever we wanted. We had a beautiful home, my parents always had brand new cars (literally, every 2 years they were getting new cars), and we also got brand new cars when we got our licenses. I love my parents, and I am so thankful for how hard they worked for us; I am also very thankful because they made it a priority to provide for us the way they did. We never needed anything, and we had everything we wanted. However, that upbringing has affected my life as an adult, and not in the best way.

I recall, at one point, seeing that my parents had over 20 something credit cards. One for every department store in the country I think, plus all your major credit lenders. I owe my very high credit score at the age of 19 to them, because they put me on their cards, and I got the benefit of their credit history. So I went the path of credit, too. I had plenty, and was responsible with them. There came a time though, when I decided to focus on the "entertainment" industry, instead of my well paying property management job. I was also in school, so I got a student loan to pay them all off, and not have to pay it back until graduation. Long story short, I eventually dropped out of college (multiple times) and stopped working (after I got married). What was I left with? A student loan that needed paying because I was no longer enrolled in school.

My husband has his own story, but that's not for me to tell. Basically he has his own share of debt and costly mistakes coming into this relationship. So here we are, 2 debt-carrying individuals, now joined together as one. We've inherited each others debt. I am not working, either. Mike would rather I stay home with our little one. So my dear husband has taken the responsibility of both our debt with his income. We are currently in process of wiping out our debt. Its taking longer than I have the patience for sometimes, though.

It's become difficult for me at times. Not being able to get whatever I want. Not having my own car (which we had to give up to cut off the nearly $400 monthly payment). It's been a major eye opener for me. I  do not want my children to feel the frustration I feel sometimes. I grew up spoiled, and now living a complete opposite lifestyle is hard to swallow. But I am working on it. I am currently "going through the storm", but I know we will get out of it.

One thing I will say though, is that I truly believe this is God's way of molding me. He's shedding the spoiled layers off of me through this experience. Even though every now and then I get into my "I want what I want" moods; I've also become more conscious of need vs want, focusing on "Do we really need that?" or "We can look for bargains". I've learned to stretch our dollars and have extra money saved. God is clearly changing me, and I am thankful for it.

I'm learning to be content with whatever situation I'm in. I'm learning to wait on the Lord, and to be patient. I believe one day I will be able to get everything we need (and maybe even want!), have my own car, and own a home. But it will be in his time, not MY time...and I'm learning to be okay with that!

Short Note

Someone asked how I am having such great success with my weight-loss.
Just wanted to mention it quickly. I'm on a very low cal diet, eating 4 times a day (no less than 2.5 hours apart). I only eat bread once per cycle. No carbs, no sodas, juices, etc. I'm only drinking water, and plenty of it! One day I spend eating fruits only (aside from the 1 time of bread in form of a deli sandwich), and another day is strictly vegetables and salads.
What I am doing is basically tricking my body in a way that it does not get used to the calories coming in; so my body is not really storing most of the calories.

Since it is such a low cal diet, I am not exercising. Last time I did that, I got pretty sick and had to cut my diet short.
If anyone wants more information, you can email me for details at Wardwell.C@gmail.com

PS- I am currently on cycle 3. From now on I will just be noting weight-loss at the end of each cycle! So expect one next Friday!

The End Is Here!

We have officially finished our 2nd cycle, or 1st FULL cycle, and boy is it nice to have 3 days off. I started off my morning with 2 bowls of cereal (1 healthy Quaker Oat Squares, 1 not so healthy Kellogg's Cinnabon cereal) and a few Oreos. After that, I was pretty much over my sweet binge. Part of me was disappointed because I had fantasized about eating so much more, but at the same time I was proud of myself for knowing when enough was enough!
First thing this morning, I weighed in. My official ending weight for this cycle is 180 lbs. That is 10 lbs down from day 1 of the cycle, which is great. I can't help thinking that I'd be in the 170s right now had I not gone overboard during the 2 weeks off we had because of the birthdays and holidays. This time, I'm only having a 3 day break, and I don't plan on over doing it these next 3 days. I cannot wait to be in the 170s! 10 lbs a cycle, 2 cycles a month, 20 lbs a month, and 2.25 months, will bring me down to my goal wait of 130. Just in time to enjoy the last few weeks of summer, and to go shopping for FALL!!! (my absolute FAVORITE season in terms of fashion)....Bring on the coats, boots and cute jeans!

So here are my photos. Each one is being compared to where I started

   

The difference is slowly beginning to be obvious, which is nice. I'm sure by the end of the next round, There will be much more of a difference! I waited so long, it seems like, for these cheat days to arrive. Now, I am looking forward to Monday to get here (despite the not so great meal plans I've set for this cycle) so that my weight-loss can continue! This diet is starting to build my discipline in terms of eating; that was the first thing I noticed this morning. Let's go Monday!

Hair, Hair, Hair......Color

As I continue my weight-loss journey, I am thinking about what I want to do to add to my post-prego transformation. Mike and I were recently talking about different hairstyles/colors that I could do, and I am seriously thinking about dying my hair. Now I've only dyed my hair once before, and that was just to straight black (My hair is naturally brown). This time, however, I'm looking for something a little more dramatic. Not crazy dramatic. Just something noticeably different. I'm still deciding on what I want to do with hairstyle, but I probably won't do anything too crazy with that. I'm still letting it grow back from the major chop off I did about a year and a half ago. Color will be the key to my change. I looked online for different hair colors, and so far have found a few that I may (or may not..still not sure) consider. They are

1

2

3

4

5

I know, not very "dramatic"..but I'm getting there.. I don't think I really need like a major dramatic change. So far #1 is my favorite. I love the combination of dark and light high/low lights in her hair. I've already loved her versatility, and how well she pulls off different styles and hair colors. My 2nd favorite is #5. I would definitely not cut my hair that short, but I love the color. It is still very dark but has a burgundy tint to it that gives it a real kick! #4 is going more along the red/maroon lines..which would be the biggest change for me. But I'm willing to try it out. #2 follows behind #4 but in a more subtle way. And then #3 is also a top favorite, following after Tyra's highlights, except that this model has more blonde highlights in comparison to Tyra's more honey highlights. Actually #s 1 & 3 would suit me best in my opinion, but who knows. I still have a couple (estimated) months to decide, so I will continue looking.

I would love to read outside opinions, so feel free to comment on which one you think would look better!

The Dreaded Day 8 Has Arrived!

Day 8 has arrived. Now, although I titled it "dreaded" day 8, I have a feeling it will not be as bad! I haven't been looking forward to this day because it will consist of eating only salads and vegetables all day long...Also, the last time we started the cycle, this was as far as I made it.

I made the mistake of doing an intense Insanity workout with only a couple of tomato slices and cucumber slices to fuel me. That was not good. I ended up getting sick and felt so weak. So Mike ended up giving me "real" food to bring me back to health haha.

I must say though. I am also partially happy that this day has arrived. The quicker it comes, the quicker it goes; and the closer we get to ending this first cycle and going into our cheat days! I am soo excited for that!

I pretty much have my meals for those 3 days all planned out, and most of them aren't the healthiest, but that is why it is called a "cheat day", right? LOL.

So as of this morning, I am at 181.5, and I think today's veggie only meal plan will make a significant difference tomorrow. Eh, maybe not, but I am happy to say I am very close to the 170s! It's been almost a year since I've been down in that range! (I think I was about 6/7 months prego with Andrew )


Ah, what a great day it will be when I no longer need to do this! (then my workouts will kick in lol).

Happy Monday!

Quick Cycle 2 update

As of this morning, I am currently 183.0 ..which is great. 5 days down, and 5 more to go (not including today)..then my cheat days! I cannot wait. Mike brought some packages of oreos that he was given at work from the nabisco vendor that gets work done on his vehicle. Whenever that guy gets work done, Mike comes home with boxes and boxes of cookies, graham crackers, etc...This time I wasn't so happy about that though lol. He got them for our cheat days...but I cannot walk into the kitchen without seeing the bag of oreos and oreo dunksters calling out to me....Oh Friday..please come quickly...LOL

But the scale does give me a little more will power, I will admit. I cannot wait to meet my goal weight..which I am estimating to be around August.

Will continue to update.and at the end of day 11 I will be posting photos and measurements!

Strike a Pose!

I am so happy to say that when I've reached my goal physically, I will be returning to modeling! Since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to be a model. I look back on so many pictures as a little girl, where I would have my "model stance" whenever photos were taken. As an adult, I began to embark on that journey, and was doing pretty well by some standards. I was a working model. I did not have an agent for the most part (I did get managed by a couple small companies, but mostly for dance). I was starting to make a "name" for myself in the Import industry. I enjoyed what I was doing, and I was getting paid for it. But as opportunities were starting to roll in more, I quit.
My husband and I re-dedicated our lives to Christ, and the import, swimsuit, etc modeling I was doing just wasn't acceptable in God's eyes.

But my love for modeling has not changed. The makeup, the hair, dressing up, taking photos, and making beautiful photos; I love it all.  I miss it all.

I recently started looking at one of the booking sources I used before for modeling jobs, and realized that I can still do it! I don't need to wear bikinis or provocative outfits; there are still many opportunities for models like me! I can do lifestyle, commercial, artistic, fashion, hair, makeup, jewelry,etc modeling without compromising myself!
Best of all, my husband supports me with this, which makes me even more excited. He always supported me back then too, although he was not always completely comfortable with what I may have been wearing (and we were still dating then).

So now I have even more motivation to continue my weightloss and toning journey! My goal is to start this coming fall (Sept/Oct). What's even greater about this is that it will still be considered a hobby, but I will be contributing income! Now, it definitely may not be like before; back then I was modeling basically full-time and was paying my bills and lived comfortably. I probably won't be making as much as I did then, but I'm doing it because I love it (and can make a little spending money while doing so!)

This fall is going to be great!

Motherhood: One of the GREATEST gifts from God.

See this precious little boy? He was given to Mike and I 7 months ago. Monday, October 4th 2010, at 1:19 pm,  Andrew Alan was born, and we were in love. I've always said I wanted a family, and I remember always saying as a young girl that I want as many children as God wants to give me. However, I could not have ever, EVER, imagined the feeling of being a mother. Now, during my high school years, and early college days, I had goals and plans for my life. Then, I realized that life did not turn out so much as I would have expected; but -as I'm watching my beautiful little boy sleep peacefully- I wouldn't have it any other way.

Before I became pregnant, I thought about myself . I had JUST been married for a short period of time. I was still getting used to the whole idea of becoming "domesticated"...something I had no real interest for in the past. I can actually remember thinking at one point in my life that, since I planned on having a career, I'd probably have a cook and a maid because I was not going to do either haha. But life, God, my husband, and my child have changed my views. I  serve them all whole heartedly, and could not imagine life any other way. Seeing my little munchkin  hit different milestones and his cognitive progress is worth so much more than any job or career. Being there for my husband when he comes home for lunch, and to greet him when he's arrives at the end of the day make me so happy. God knew what he was doing when he created marriage and gave woman motherhood. It truly is a rewarding and fulfilling role, that I feel so blessed to take on.

This past Mother's Day was my first as a mommy ( I was pregnant last mother's day but I don't count that), and I am so happy about that! I look forward to all the other little munchkins the Lord blesses us with in the future!

I know now I could never have imagined how it feels to be a mother; the excitement, the emotions, the fears and worries that start to set in. I am not just barely starting to realize why my mother worried the way she did with me and my sisters (and he's still a baby so I'm only scratching the surface!). I know that right now, the Lord is watching over him, and I am going to do my best to watch over him too. No act of carelessness is worth allowing.

I am also so thankful to have my amazing husband. It hurts my heart to see so many single mothers struggling without that extra support. I admire those that have and continue to push through, raising children on their own. I am blessed to have a man who loves the Lord, who loves and respects me, and who adores his son.

I can do anything, but there's nothing I'd want to do more than to be exactly where I am, at home taking care of my little munchkin!

Cycle 2; Day 2

We started 2nd cycle of our diet yesterday, and it started off great! However, day 2 is not going so great..but then again, that was the worst day for me last cycle so I already knew it was coming. Eating nothing but fruits has me feeling nauseous..not to mention, I have a huge headache. 2 more meals to go and dinner will a sandwich, so I cannot wait!
This time around I am not taking any breaks with the diet. I will continue on with it until I hit my goal weight of 135. After that, I don't think I ever want to do this diet again LOL.
It is all worth it in the end, though. I will lose all the weight and gain myself back!
I had a crazy 2 weeks; with Mother's day, my birthday, Easter..many many opportunities to eat, and eat we did! Add a couple pounds of water weight (I am bad at staying hydrated and I learned not drinking enough water will make you retain more water!), and you get my starting weight for this cycle (which I checked yesterday morning) of 190. This morning I weighed 188. So I will continue logging my progress, and this time I won't be doing any crazy exercising!